Mostly, this is a cross post from Uneasy Pink.
Recently, Sarah Horton of Being Sarah wrote about what is coming next for her in an aptly titled post, What Comes Next? These words really stuck with me.
Well, for me, what comes next is a realisation, during my Samhain celebration of letting go, as I gaze into the fire, that I am tired of being ‘Being Sarah’ now. I have often reflected that I unzip the Being Sarah persona at times, hang it up, and become Sarah Horton.
For what seems like forever now, I’ve been asking myself the same question. Afraid of, ashamed of, the answer bubbling up inside of me. My primary angst is this: I want to move on, but I don’t want to abandon anyone. Whenever I think about my great privilege of still being here more than four years past my diagnosis, my luck and circumstance that allows me to even consider this choice, it’s quickly followed by a slap of shame as I think about those who don’t have a move on option. I’ve been hanging out here in limbo for many months now, definitely over a year, waiting to get my barnstorming mojo back or sometimes even faking it to stay in touch. Truth is, I am still that raging Uneasy Pinkster from 2009, but I’m also a lot more.
I look at the landscape now, and feel proud of the small role I’ve played in changing it. Not only is breast cancer culture undergoing a revolution, but there are so many bloggers who have taken up the mantle. When I started, I thought I was alone, only to have Rachel reach out to me and help me discover a network of amazing women. That has lead me directly to the role with Breast Cancer Consortium, which is a project that fires me up. But I don’t know that the world needs a two post a week anger onslaught from me anymore.
I feel like some of the most important work I’ve done was in this past October, highlighting Chris’s story. I want to do more of that. And I want to do more. I’ve got a lot to say and not all of it is about breast cancer. But I don’t want to dilute the message of Uneasy Pink. I’ve felt resentful of this pink corner I’ve painted myself into — begrudging, guilty, nagged and nagging, obligated, and only occasionally still really inspired to write about breast cancer. But I feel like the luckiest person of all for the way I have been accepted into this movement.
Starting now, I am moving my non-breast cancer writing to this location. I want to expand my realm of possibilities to include the whole sky, not just the angry clouds. I will still post here about breast cancer, but at my blog, the topics are, as of right now, unlimited.
Please join me.