Hamstrung

Like other January Warriors, I decided to increase the intensity of my workouts three weeks ago. I’m training to run a 5k with my kids in May. Yesterday when a pain started rippling from my hip to my knee. Dr. Google and I settled on a diagnosis: my IT band is acting up, so this morning, instead of boxing or running, I am laying under a big blanket with my cat, The Style Council, and coffee; typing away while the rest of my people sleep.

I know. Poor me.

Progress is more scatterplot than line graph, but every once in a while you need to check the trend of the regression.

See?

trend

In other words, ups and downs are normal, to be expected, and even inevitable. To expect or demand otherwise is to expect nature to bend to your will. There’s probably some sort of psychological disease to label that but I call it a tremendous waste of precious time.

As I convalesce, I pull out my pen. Hm. If I substitute “Frequency of Writing” for “Quality of my Training,” what’s the trend?

Not like the graph above.

Maybe it’s a function of being female, maybe it’s the innate desire to belong, or maybe just my own combination of nature and nurture, but I have an infuriating tendency to speak in other people’s voices.

Some people see my platform as an opportunity to advance their own agenda. Sometimes that’s blatant – paid promoters wanting me to help sell their cancer gear. I’ve experience the pressure as a more personal violence – if I don’t express the proper opinion, well…

I’ve been known to misinterpret relationships and get angry when I discover that they withhold friendship if I don’t babysit their own pet projects. The anger is directed at people who only value what I can do for them and at my own naivety.

Usually the influence is more subtle than that – a gentle prodding to take a particular direction. When the dog I had growing up needed to take medicine, we crushed pills and mixed the powder into jelly. Yeah, kind of like that.

But sometimes it’s just me and my unconscious understanding what I have to do in order to get praise, attention, etc —  commonly known as pandering.

These three word things are very popular, for example. And it served me well, but let’s face it – after balance, cultivate, laugh, prioritize, advocate, and release – there isn’t much left.

I guess that’s why it’s January 24th and I haven’t settled on three yet, no matter how much I want you to read the words and tell me how awesome I am. Those words sometimes feel like the whole world, but sometimes they feel like they mean nothing at all.

In any case, I’m running out of three words and I’ve run out of the desire to try to pick words that are adequately universal, meaningful, meaningless, profound, pleasing, inspiring, and captivating.

I guess what I’m saying is that this year’s three words are no, thank you. (no need to be impolite)

To bastardize a famous quote from Eleanor Roosevelt, no one can influence me without my consent.

This year, I withdraw my consent.

2 thoughts on “Hamstrung”

  1. Good looking trend! Even the most voracious improvement intentions still subject to ebb and flow axiomatic to human condition. Also, am sure ER would thumbs up your interpretation.

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