No, you didn’t ask, but you might be wondering.
It’s been over three weeks now since my last dose of sertraline and I feel great. I have the occasional brain zap, which feels mostly like a head rush but sometimes also has a shot of electricity down my arm, just for good measure. They haven’t been as bad at they were last time, or maybe they are not as concerning to me since I know what they are.
No signs of rebound anything yet either. I had a little bit of sleep disturbance and a whole lot of weird dreaming, but it’s all kind of faded away.
I know that the meds were important to me and I know they are hugely important to others, so please don’t be thinking this is any kind of definitive anything. But in my case, during this time frame, I feel like they eventually stopped working for me and left me with only side effects. I look back on some of the things that upset me in my life over the last year or so and can’t for the life of me remember why it is that I cared so much. I think I might have had some usual side effects.
What bothers me is that there is no definitive answer as to why these powerful drugs work, or why some people get benefit from some over others. They work but exact a toll. Several tolls, I think, and you have to decide whether the trade off is worth it. I can’t answer that question for anyone but me.
I like the way my brain is working now, not as if it is racing through water anymore. My main complaint is that I want it to slow down a bit because it makes the rest of me tired. So yes, there is definitely a teency weency bit of mania going on, but mania with a dose of mindfulness so I haven’t been swept away by the current.
Oh, and the occasional “emotional incontinence.” Whatever.
Mostly, I feel more fully “me” and far less pressured to pretend to be someone else. And far, far less concerned with what other people think of me.
Lots of roads converged to keep me feeling good this time around. In other words, don’t try this at home.