My old tagline in the Uneasy Pink days was “making meaning out of chaos” but I’m struggling to make any meaning these days that isn’t rimmed with disgust.

Everywhere I’ve gone in the last week: Kroger, church, social gatherings, Kroger again a few more times, I keep returning to the same thoughts.

These people voted for a guy who bragged about sexually assaulting women. A guy accused of sexually assaulting women. A guy without a lick of experience. A guy facing lawsuits for shady business practices. A guy who called immigrants rapists and murderers. A guy who wants to ban people of certain faiths. A guy who gets into twitter battles with Cher. A guy who believes in torture. A guy who didn’t campaign on realistic proposals. A huckster. A reality television star.

A guy who made an alt right white nationalist superstar a senior advisor.

And why?

Because his opponent has been in public service for decades. She, to quote my friend Mary Pierce Brosmer, tried to do big things and therefore made big mistakes. A woman who has been under attack since the 1990s, who has been the subject of flimsy accusations that have never amounted to anything but sound and fury. A woman whose obscure mistakes regarding an email server can’t be forgiven, even while her opponent claimed that he could walk out on 5th Street, shoot someone and still not lose voters.

A woman.

And how?

We’re still unpacking it, but I believe a decades-long, intense campaign of misinformation paid off. I believe we live in a country still so stuck in the dark ages that many of us can’t get behind a female change agent. Yes, parts of our country felt unheard and wanted to upend the status quo, but Trump managed to wrap that status quo bogeyman in ways that touched deeply held, unexamined, bigoted stereotypes.

And without a doubt, I think there was a successful strategy to exploit the electoral college system to upend the popular vote.

(NOTE: I’m still researching the turnout issue I mentioned in my last post. I might revise what I said about the turnout being depressed on the Democratic side because that might not be true)

Most depressingly, I realized this week that I just don’t live in the country I thought I lived it.

That’s a deeply wounding thought, not a golly gee my team lost the championship level of disappointment.

My neighbors are not who I thought they were.

They were willing to overlook the serious flaws of this man.

Again, Why?

I don’t care right now, because no answer is going to make sense to me right now. I just know I’m done arguing about it. I’m done with the crazy upside down world that keeps yelling at me that black is white.

I’m in a discernment phase now. Will I become more politically involved? Less? Stand and fight? Pass the baton? Sell my house in red-land and move to blue-land? Sell it and move to the middle of nowhere? Something else I haven’t dreamed up yet?

I’m shrinking my presence online for now, starting with the that infected petri dish known as Facebook. More on that decision to come, but as of right now at least, you can still find me here and on Twitter @uneasykt.

5 thoughts on “Redoing”

  1. Don’t leave. I have downloaded your words for encouragement so many times, and this post will be memorized by the time I go to Thanksgiving with my broken family -IF I go.
    Dixie Chicks lyrics playing in my head 24/7 -“I’m not ready to make nice, I’m not ready to back down, I’m still mad as hell and I don’t have time to go round and round and round…”

    1. Wow – what a kind thing to say. It’s appreciated more than you know. I’m going to stay here, for sure. I just don’t know how we’re going to turn this ship around. I am definitely fed up with facebook, though.

      Thank you again.

  2. Hi Katie,
    I felt better reading this because I know I’m not alone. I feel much the same as you. I am still so disgusted and yes, I’m still in mourning. The wounds feel deep and to top things off, quite a few in my own extended family voted for Mr. Trump. I will never understand the free pass he was given and continues to be given. I have detached myself from Facebook a bit too. And I can no longer bear to watch much news at all because even the transition coverage seems to be normalizing it all. Ugh…for the first time in my adult life, I won’t be watching the inauguration coverage as it happens. My husband says I have to let it go and reminds me it’s only four years, or at worst, eight. Anyway, just felt like sharing with someone who gets it. Thank you.

    1. Thanks Nancy. Did you read Maureen Dowd’s piece about Thanksgiving with her “basket of deplorables?” I’m not a fan of hers, but I understand why she’s occasionally an asshole after reading about her family. Omg…

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